Swingers 101

Congratulations, you have made the decision to swing. Get ready to meet some amazing people who are open-minded, sexually aware and will be pleased to welcome you into their ranks. There is no ‘Member’s Card’ but you have now joined millions of adventurous couples around the world who will be pleased to meet you and make you welcome. You will find that most swingers are relaxed, courteous couples that embrace the ‘Lifestyle’. Like any activity, swinging comes with its own special glossary, here are some of the important terms that will help you both gain the maximum enjoyment from your newfound activity!

Don’t worry about your first time! Lifestyle events are mostly very respectful, as swingers that attend know and follow the unspoken rules and etiquette. At your first event, you are welcome to watch and observe without any pressure!

First and foremost, swingers generally refer to their interest as ‘The Lifestyle’ as this encompasses a broad range of sexually open-minded pursuits. As you gain more understanding, refer to the Lifestyle rather than asking people if they are swingers!

Vanilla refers to everything ‘outside’ the Lifestyle. Your normal life is your Vanilla life.

Swingers Clubs are safe places where adults can meet to explore their sexuality. These are either On-Premises, at a club specifically designed with facilities for sexual activities, or Off Premises at a private home, hotel, or some other discreet location.

First impressions at a Swingers Club can be quite daunting with many sexually charged and seductively dressed people milling around. Some organize erotic shows to ‘warm’ up the attendees and most have a bar where people can make their first introductions. Generally, sexual activities do not take place in these areas. Play Areas are where the real action takes place. Club rules will be explained as you arrive and you may find that they have Private Areas where couples go to be alone, Semi-Private where people play and can be discretely watched by others, and Open Areas. Each club is different, and the atmosphere will change as the evening progresses.

The Play describes the act of two or more people enjoying a sexual activity together. If you have met with another couple, they may enquire if you would like to Play together?

Before you arrive, you should discuss what you are both comfortable doing. Soft Swap means that a couple will swap partners for oral sex and heavy petting but not for intercourse. Full Swap indicates that both partners are comfortable with oral and intercourse.

Deer Eyes. Ever caught a deer in your headlights and witnessed that full-eye stare? Make sure that you don’t look like this as you enter the first time. Find yourself a nice quiet place to sit and slowly look around and see what is going on before you just jump in. Don’t worry if you don’t interact on your first visit, it is quite a culture shock and will take time to become accustomed to the scene.

As you evolve in the Lifestyle you will initially be referred to as Newbies. Don’t be ashamed by this as 1). we all have to start somewhere and 2). some experienced swingers may be more interested in introducing you to the Lifestyle. Many pre-conceived ideas are of a sweatshop with people performing like rabbits all around. It is not like this, rather consenting adults relaxing, making new friends and some having sex with each other.

Parallel Play is where two or more couples have sex with their own partners in the same bed/room without swapping.

Consent is a very important term in Lifestyle. A clear request to touch or join should be followed by a clear “Yes” or No. Consent is never implied in the lifestyle.

Some couples will insist on the Same Room meaning that they are comfortable with swapping but wish to be in the same room watching each other.

You may hear a partner refer to a Hall Pass which means that the couple has agreed that both can play on their own without their partner.

Group Sex. Most people think that this is all that happens at a Swingers Club but in reality, it is rare. Swinging normally consists of 2 or 3 couples plus occasionally an additional single. Some clubs may advertise a Gang Bang or Orgy Night which means that almost anything goes in the designated play area.

As you mingle with other swingers you may be asked which Site. This generally refers to which online Swinger site that you use and how they can contact you.

You may also be asked if you have a Swinger Name. This is generally a nickname or alters personality that some couples may have agreed on to disguise their real identity.

D&D Free or DD Free refers to Drug and Disease Free, indicating that the individual or couple are clean and don’t use drugs.

A Safe Word or Phrase is a way for couples to communicate to indicate to each other that they are not comfortable with a play or situation. Make this Safe Word or Phrase as incongruous as possible, to enable a tactful retreat.

Girl-Girl or GG indicates that the play would just be for ladies. Men may be allowed to watch, but not join in.

MFM or FMF stands for two males and one female or two females and one male in threesomes.

Bi-Sexual. Bi-sexuality between women is very common in the Lifestyle and is encouraged with many women discovering an additional ‘edge’ to their sexual activities. Whilst many males in the Lifestyle may be Bi-Sexual it is generally not considered as socially acceptable in open play. Bi-comfortable or Bi-tolerant seem to be the latest trend.

You may also hear about Tri-Sexual. Before you start to try to comprehend this it refers to people for will ‘try’ anything of a sexual nature!

More commonly referred to in the Gay communities, Top & Bottom refer to the giver and the taker in gay sexual activities.

Swingers Clubs generally have a strict policy of safe sex using condoms for inter-partner play. Bare Back refers to non-protected sex. Whilst generally accepted between real-life couples, barebacking is frowned upon in the Lifestyle.

Some experienced ladies enjoy the attention of two men. This would be referred to as DP or Double Penetration where the lady avails herself of penetration vaginally and anally at the same time. Anal sex is generally frowned upon in public plays but can be accepted as part of a DP.

At a club, you may see Voyeurs. These are couples that enjoy watching couples having sex but do not participate themselves.

Exhibitionists are people that enjoy having others look at their naked bodies and when they have sex. Some exhibitionists are a little too proud of their bodies and strut around like peacocks.

Whilst most Swingers Clubs are only for couples, more are starting to allow a small number of selected single male guests. These single guys do create more appeal to events ensuring that the ladies have a greater choice and additional staying power is appreciated by many couples. These are generally referred to as Bulls. Typically, well endowed, some single guys can be pushy but again, a polite ‘no’ or ‘maybe later’ should suffice if you are not interested. Bulls can also refer to a dominant male partner, rather proud of his prowess!

Unicorn refers to a single lady in the Lifestyle. There are some and they are warmly welcomed however they are quite rare and the reason that they are referred to as Unicorns is that many have never even seen one! 

And finally, just remember that No means No! Swingers are relaxed and ambiguous people who readily express their sexuality amongst others. Never touch without consent!

I hope that this glossary helps you get started. The first step is the hardest but once you are in the Lifestyle so many doors will now open and sensual experiences will be yours to experience and enjoy. Swingers are a gregarious community and you will now have friends wherever you go around the world. Who knows, maybe we will meet soon in real life!